His Version…There must be a million and one songs written on the topic of love and one could argue that every song is unique because of how the songwriter characterizes and illustrates what love is all about. No matter how much I enjoy listening to music, in my twelve plus years of being married, experience has led me to believe there is no universal definition for love. For me, understanding the concepts and purpose around love requires me to reference the Bible and read what God’s Word says. 1 Cor. 13:4-8 is my blueprint.
It all sounds good, from song lyrics to God’s Word but, “How in the world does love show up and show through in marriage?”
I cannot begin to tell you how many times my wife and I have fussed and fought and at one point thought about calling it quits. I’ve driven my wife to the brink of insanity at times and she’s returned the favor. I don’t always like my wife and she doesn’t always like me. BUT, I love my wife, and from a practical standpoint:
- Love is the thing that drives me to pray with my wife the next day despite our argument the night before.
- Love causes me to stop everything I’m doing to meet her at her point of need when she calls on me.
- Love forces me to stay in the house to fight as opposed to walking away, never to revisit the disagreement.
- Love requires my transparency when I have the urge to shroud myself in secrecy.
Husbands, I challenge you to ask yourselves, “What does love have to do with it [in your marriage]?”
Her Version…I still remember the words from our Pastor’s mouth, “The love that got you here is not the love that will keep you together.” Little did I know just how serious that phrase was to the sustainability of our marriage. The Pastor went on explaining “EROS” – it’s erotic in nature it’s hot, like the booster jets on a rocket ship, it’s designed propel you to the altar, quickly, lol. I was thinking – now where is he going????
Looking back to our courtship it manifested itself in moments like:
- Intellectual conversations all day and all night (knowing you have a 8:30 meeting),
- Romantic dates all cuddled up sharing the same popcorn,
- Passionate kisses as he walks you to the door,
- And let’s not forget about the awesome sex. ****Real talk**** if you are honest with yourself, many of you didn’t wait until you said “I do”, to do the do….So like I said it was the EROS – That got us to the altar.
So you fell “in love”, you said “I do”, now what? The booster rockets are gone. Well, here is what I’ve learned so far, after you say “I do” – love becomes a choice.
True love does not chose when to love or how much to love, it simply chooses to Love.
Webster defines love as “the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another; Dr. Myles Munroe defines love as “an attitude of the heart.” I’d like to merge and extend both definitions and leave you with my collection of thoughts. Love is…
- More than emotion or feeling;
- Sometimes counter intuitive to what you might logically think or believe;
- The smooth dose of Eros, Phileo, Storage, and Agape, specially blended for you and your spouse.
Similar to the screws, metal, and other fixtures that hold a rocket ship together once it launches; Love is the adhesive that holds the marriage together overtime.
Our Version…Love shows up in marriage as the strongest attitude/emotion, trumping Anger, Disappointment, Jealousy, Spitefulness and Selfishness.
Love is greater than dislike and we ought not get the two confused.
Love is our choice.
It is choosing to change despite your desire to stay the same; it’s choosing to care for something greater than yourself; it’s choosing to deny yourself for the benefit of your spouse; it’s choosing humility over self righteousness; it’s choosing to “do” even when your heart and mind scream “don’t”.
It’s your turn, will YOU committ to choosing LOVE?