His Version

This is a subject topic that has always sparked endless debate between the husbands and wives. Many husbands have tried to use Eph. 5:22-24 and Col. 3:18 as validation to support their position that wives must do what they say with no debate or objection. In other words, the expectation is for wives to be obedient. So in the mind of the husbands, the logic may often look like this:
– My wife must be ready and willing to give me sex upon request.
– My wife is supposed to cook for me, wash my clothes and serve my meals.
– When I want to go out with the guys, I should be able to do so with no objection.
– My decisions are absolute and should not be questioned.

For husbands to place all the emphasis on Eph. 5:22 and Col. 3:18 and ignore the broader biblical text around these particular verses is to totally misunderstand what it means to submit. What about Eph. 5:21 which calls on husbands and wives to “[Submit] yourselves to one another in the fear of God”? What about Col. 3:19 which calls on husbands to “…love your wives and not be bitter against them”? Submission is not a one way street and it is not synonymous with obedience. Let me share this story:

One evening, my wife and I were facilitating a couples’ seminar and just as we were to begin, my wife looked at the power point presentation on my laptop and realized that it wasn’t projecting on the screen in a way that she thought would be most effective. She told me that there was another format it should be in for us to present. She immediately began “tinkering” with my laptop and asked me to turn off the overhead projector for a moment. Reluctantly, I did. During the five minutes it took her to adjust the format, I became upset! “How is she just going to change something up all of a sudden?” “There was nothing wrong with the way I had it.” “She doesn’t know what she’s doing and we need to get started.” “How dare she tell me to turn off the projector?” “She needs to just follow my lead.”

I thought all those thoughts and when I was done, so was my wife. She had adjusted the format which made the presentation even better! What is the lesson here?

– I had to submit to my wife and let her take the lead understanding that computers are her profession and she knows them much better that I ever will. By obeying her guidance, I trusted that whatever she did was for the improvement of our presentation.
– I had to be obedient in honoring and respecting what my wife was doing. In that moment, I understood what God needed me to do. It was not my place to be bitter against her. Rather, it was necessary to move out of my own way, cast my ego to the side and realize it was okay to submit to my wife.

I am the head of my house. I make the final decisions when it comes to my family and my wife submits in love, trust and obedience in what God has called her to do. But, in turn, I submit to my wife’s ideas, opinions and counsel and rely on her to be strong in areas where I am not. I need her to help me in the decision making process and I will obey what God has called me to do in loving her just as Christ loved the church. [see Eph. 5:25]

Her Version
Picture this, you are minding your own business, driving down the highway and lo and behold you look in the rear view mirror and you see an ambulance with its lights and sirens flaring.
What do you do? Well I bet you $100 bucks, out of respect for the lives of others and out of respect for the authority given to the emergency vehicle, you pull over and allow the emergency vehicle to pass you. So you SUBMIT i.e. yield to the power or authority of another.

Now stay with me… Same scenario except this time you look in the rear view mirror and you see the STATE TROOPER with its lights and sirens flaring. In compliance with the laws of the state and the authority given to the officer; AND out of fear of being chased or arrested by the officer you pull over. Here you OBEY i.e. comply with or follow the commands, restrictions, wishes, or instructions of authority.

As an individual SUBMITS to any authority, power, or position there will always be the existence of a special connection between the one who submits and the one in power.
This connection, be it:
– Love
– Admiration
– Respect
–for the authority given to the emergency vehicle
–for the lives of those in the vehicle
–for the role/position (mother, father, husband, pastor, president)

Or any other bond that connects the two; leads me to this conclusion – “Submission always starts internally, unlike obedience which is often driven by external forces”. If you are struggling with the concept of submission or submitting to your mate, take a look within, before focusing outward.

Our Version
In Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭21 – Husbands and Wives are both called to submit themselves to one another of reverence for Christ. What does this look like in a marriage? The next time your spouse/mate does XYZ… YIELD! You may already know the answer to the situation but yield, listen and support your spouse while they work through their thoughts.

You may have asked your spouse to do XYZ and you are tired of waiting but yield. If it’s not life threatening, pray about it, journal, meditate, do anything except nag your spouse and see what happens.

If you are saying, this never happens in my marriage or relationship, your spouse may be the one yielding more times than not, and you never had a clue. Challenge yourself, observe your interactions in your relationship and when tension arises try YIELDING!