His Version

Resilience. Now that’s quite a word! Not sure I knew how to spell it let alone understand its meaning. Webster’s Dictionary describes the word to be a root of the Latin word resiliens which means to jump back or recoil. The word resilient is synonymous with words like “springy”, “elastic” and “flexible”; able to withstand strain or stress without breaking or sustaining permanent injury.

But the question is, “What does being resilient look like in marriage?” I believe resiliency requires both spouses to reject the notions of a rigid heart and spirit when your marriage is being tested either through internal or external circumstances.  Resiliency calls for flexibility which results in an understanding of choosing your battles wisely; the willingness to listen and understand your spouse’s point of view and; openness to extending your spouse the same measure of mercy and grace that God extends to us daily. Such practices will give your marriage the elasticity it needs to be stretched but not broken.

Another question is, “How can husbands show resiliency in their marriage?” First and always is the need for prayer.  Having a solid prayer life is where we can find balance, strength and a peace which surpasses all understanding [Phil 4:7]. Second, husbands need to exercise patience with their wives and with their marriage. Everyday won’t be a good day and it’s no secret that there will be some rough roads along the marriage journey but refusing to give up on your efforts and your commitment will stretch your ability to confront those marital challenges head on. Lastly, communication is essential. Husbands must maintain a good line of communication with their wives. Through communication, feelings are shared, thoughts are conveyed and an atmosphere of “we” is created allowing husbands to partner with their wives to deal with the stresses that often attack the marriage.

Her Version

Have you ever taken a risk and things didn’t go the way you planned?  Better yet, what do you do when things don’t happen in the timing that you plan for them to happen? For instance:

• Getting that promotion at work;
• Your child’s graduation from college;
• Not meeting your personal record when running a race;
• That thing you have been bugging your spouse about like taking out the trash, having sex, folding laundry, etc…

Where there are one or more personalities living under the same roof, there will be more than one opinion, which often leads to some level of conflict, tension and/or resistance.

Why? Resiliency is required for the relationship to rebound or spring back to its original form.  Otherwise it loses its shape and it may no longer be able to fulfill its intended purpose.

What does this have to do with marriage?  Resiliency in marriage works like the elastic waist in pants when you have gone to a buffet and overeaten.  It provides room for the boundary (in this example the elastic pants waist) to be temporarily stretched but not broken or destroyed. Seriously, we all have sinned and fallen short, which means none of us are perfect.  Eventually we will all need to be given a little slack about something sooner or later.  So my motto is “forgive now because you will need to be forgiven later”. In other words, be flexible in your understanding, in your patience, in your willingness to forgive. Be resilient. Forgiveness is more about your faith and obedience to God rather than your trust and hope in the other person.

• Our Version

God, love, communication, patience, partnership, forgiveness and understanding are just a few “must haves” which lend to our ability to be resilient in our marriage; to “bounce back” and; to be “flexible as the elastic waist in a pair of pants” from anything the devil throws our way.